A Matter of Time
A typical November schedule points to a cornucopia of dates: liturgical feasts that honor All Saints and All Souls … milestones to celebrate a wedding anniversary and a birthday … all cresting to Thanksgiving and the start of the holiday season. This calendar, which excludes surprises that gleefully skewer plans, is just that: a pointer to what’s ahead. Where Milette dwells in Eternal Day, as Christian writings often describe the hereafter, calendars are immaterial. This makes me think of the ancient Greeks’ two ideas of time: there is chronos – the chronology of time in minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years; and there is kairos – “the supreme moment” as the dictionary defines. Or as Fr. George William Rutler writes, kairos is “the meaning of time itself ... it's rather like the difference between the time to get up and the time to grow up.”
“To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven…”
Ecclesiastes 3:1
In keeping with time’s arrangement in chronos, I get up, glance at the clock and apportion the day’s activities. Life is good and full, time always at a premium. Milette in kairos has reached the fullness of her time – her "supreme moment" to render an accounting of her life. How did she spend time? Can she, a work of God’s creation, now present herself to her Creator in His image and likeness? How did time hold meaning for her?
Heavy stuff, this is. For now, my new day holds meaning with a hot cup of strong black coffee to jump-start the morning. Later I can think of saying my prayers. Next I can go about the business of the day. And strive to hold before me the model of kairos whenever the demands of chronos threaten to disturb my peace.
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Milette’s calendar in chronos sparkled with luminaries honored by the universal Church on All Saints Day. She loved her saints and enfolded several into her life: St. Rita de Cascia and St. Anthony of Padua were the patron saints of her firm Golden Voyages. The week of her death, she was to profess to the Norbertine Order, which follows the teachings of St. Augustine. St. Faustina, advocate of the Divine Mercy, and St. Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein), were like friends. She attended the canonizations of the new citizens of heaven. In June 2002, renowned stigmatist St. Pius of Pietrelcina (Padre Pio) inspired a two-page article for her pilgrimage group. In October 2012, she introduced St. Pedro Calungsod, the second Filipino saint, in an article for an Orange County, California, paper published in July 2012. The canonizations of Saints Pope John XXIII and Pope John Paul II in 2014 were the last ones that she attended in her lifetime.
Angel portraits (at right and at left) are from Milette’s stationery announcing “Forthcoming Group Departures” in September 2002.
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“A time to be born, and a time to die."
Ecclesiastes 3:2
"There is a next life... where it is wonderfully timeless."
Milette Estrada, March 2013
Eye on eternity – In her correspondence, Milette showed she was at ease with the idea of eternity. In February 1999, she wrote on a card: “In eternal life, we will ‘know as we are known’ – our experience (here) is just a slice of how that would be like…awesome!”
This was true as well in her words of sympathy for friends who lost loved ones, and in recalling the death of members of her family:
In June 1999, on hearing of the death of a mutual friend’s father, we reflected on loss.
“The rhythm of life continues as designed. How precious is every 'now'... . I just feel her sadness (as you know, I’ve lost both Mama and Papa already and I’ve been through this dark tunnel before). …
“Thanks for sharing with me your experience on losing your father (four years before). It’s never easy and never will be. In time, we will have a complete picture of life – only then, I guess, will everything make sense.”
In June 2012, to a classmate on the death of her brother:
“My deepest condolences on the passing of your brother... . I remember the death of my brother Tom, who left behind two young children. It’s in times of grief that we are reminded life goes on beyond life on earth – that every life God breathes into being is eternal. That’s the very reason we regard every life with awe, love and respect – for life and ultimately the Creator of life.”
In March 2013, thanking classmates for their condolences on the death of her sister Faride:
“Times like these remind us … that we’re on borrowed time. ... (And yet) our memories of loved ones are timeless…there is a next life where they’ve moved on and it too is wonderfully timeless.”
Roses for Milette –
In August 2009, when I visited Milette and other classmates in Los Angeles, she and I were drawn to this Frank Gehry sculpture of an opening rose (below) on the grounds of the Walt Disney Concert Hall, another Gehry masterwork. Milette and I enjoyed discovering outdoor art, and she requested a copy of this snapshot. I now think of the sculpture as "our last rose of summer” to remind me of the last summer day that Milette and I spent together.
I asked a young girl who was admiring the sculpture (at right) to “pretend you are one of the petals” to suggest the scale of Gehry’s work.
I sent Milette the white
version of these rose-shaped cards (above) with a note of condolence on the death of her brother Tommy. She liked it so much, she wrote, that she used it as a bookmark for comfort.
"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance….”
Ecclesiastes 3:4
Simple gifts for life: Milette says thank you
From Milette, Feb. 24, 1997 (in a typewritten letter sent by post)
“…I have a fantasy…that you could come and join one of my pilgrimages. I have one coming up this May to Europe (flyer enclosed). A similar itinerary will be repeated this coming September. I will also have a group in November….What do you think of this possibility?”
From Milette, Oct. 23, 1998 (in an e-mail three days after our return from Europe)
Subject: “Hello, Pardner!”
“It has been such a wonderful experience journeying with you. Your presence in the group was God’s gift to me. I have always felt isolated doing this job because no one (close to me) has been (on pilgrimage) with me. … I’ll forever be grateful to God for giving us this precious gift. Now I have your friendship to treasure.”
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“…so beautiful…”
With Milette – (at left) How she loved this place! I shall never forget the look on her face during her 1999 visit at the Oratory of Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage. "She is beautiful, Lynne,” she whispered then, eyes transfixed on the dark mahogany features of the image, “...so beautiful…"
Without her – (at right) During Holy Week 2015, I returned to the Oratory and laid at Our Lady’s feet prayers of remembrance and thanksgiving for Milette.
At left, Evelyne and Milette at the Oratory of Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage, Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, Washington, D.C., November 1999
© 2015 Photographs of angel portraits and rose cards, © 2009 photograph of Frank Gehry sculpture, Los Angeles, CA, © 1999 and 2015 photographs at Oratory of Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage, Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, Washington, D.C.; by Evelyne R. McFeaters